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"If its not big enough to be scary its not God sized"
- our lawyer

I am learning that this is soooo true. I have been brought up in the church for way too long and have found my self conformed and churched and I hate it. So many times we as God's people learn how to live by "the faith" but not to live by faith. I find myself knowing the right Christian stuff to do (live by "the faith") but I don't truly live "by faith". i want to control things, or try to make things work, or feel that I have to do something, or am afraid to fail, or must plan something (the list can go on). The moment something happens that I can't control I get freaked out and lose faith, or I allow the question "what if I fail" to keep me from living out what God has called me to live.


anyway, what I am trying to say is that I am learning to live by faith. Knowing that in my failures, in my weakness, in my stupidity, God can and does move. I really just need to live knowing that God has everything under control and works things out in His perfect timing. (he never does anything early or late but right on time.) This week God has used a lot of things and people to help me realize this. our lawayer blessed us this week by giving us a free visit and also paying our incorporation fees (for the table church), God used a friend to tell us not to worry but that God has things under control, or through a story of how God had moved in a crazy way in another churches adventures, or through other people who share my same struggle, or just by the various blessing he has blessed me with. I want once again to live with a faith in God where I can stop relying on my own strength and totally rely on God. That sounds scary at time but it sounds like fun. I want to again laugh and enjoy God as we moves in crazy ways. I want to be able to boast in God not on my own abilities.

maybe this doesn't make sense - i know I like to ramble but it is an adventure I am still trying to understand

I'll keep you all informed on how the adventure goes!